Spent

I know you wanted time to let it all out. To give it a place with time. But that time has now passed, and it’s time to show it to the world. The knife hanging over your head is an illusion. There will always be people who would rather see you fail. And you will fail. But winners never give up, and so you don’t give up yet. There is a never-ending need to improve, adapt, and expand that is keeping me up and going. Where are you, my muse?

I will search for your lips in the nightlight. Fireflies circle my way back to you. And when I find you, my mouth will overflow with stories with you in my arms. When you fall asleep, all these unfinished stories will continue on and on. And eventually I will finish these loose ends and connect them together again. Make them complete, the way they should be. And then I will write again, again and again. Because as long as I live, the stories keep coming. As long as I taste, experience, observe, and feel. As long as I am here.

When all the edges of the world are then covered with words, I will flip the canvas. I’ll start all over again in the shadowy realm, writing stories about hope. With a pen filled with white ink instead of black. I will diligently write on until you put your hand on my shoulder and turn the chair that I am sitting on toward you. “Your tea is getting cold; come,” you say softly. You place your warm hand in my cold hand and pull me out of the chair, straight to the couch. You cover me with a blanket while I stare stiffly ahead and then hand me my tea. Like a ferryman, you took me to the other side again.

You chuckle and say, “I think you’re still a little stuck in your own world. You’re staring a bit.” And so, I came back to reality. I turn my head toward you as you watch me, and a smile appears on my face. If you only knew what worlds hide behind my eyes. The universe is infinite and still expanding. Just like my love for you, for me, and for us. I know you don’t believe in infinity. The contrast between us creates interesting differences. And yet, we also have so many similarities. We have met infinite times before, don’t you realize that?

Why don’t you come with me on a journey? Because loneliness can be quite scary. It’s better to have a good friend to lean on. Someone you can talk to about pointless things. Because isn’t life just a pointless string of conversations about peanut butter, scales, and triangles? I will comfort you when you are sad and tuck you in when you have a fever. I will laugh at your farts and help you make difficult decisions. I will lift you up and offer support when needed. If you are there for me, I will be there for you too.

I will have good days and less good days. And you’ll have to live with that, just like I’ve learned to after all these years. But every day with you is a day well spent.